The critical drunk-shit-talk region
Nicolae Vartolomei · 2021/11
Today I’ll try to explain why drunk fights are observed more often in some cultures than others. First we identify and define two drinking styles: A and B.
Drinking style A is characterised by slow drinking, socializing and story telling (usually invented on the spot, or exaggerated real life stories). The downside of this drinking style is that it leads to a long amount of time spent in the critical region of drunk-shit-talk. It is this region where most of the fights erupt, according to this research.
Drinking style B represents get-drunk-quick scheme. Alcohol is drank at a higher rate. The disadvantage is that the subject is likely to quickly become unconsciousness. However, that is the key to passing quickly through the critical drunk-shit-talk region without having the opportunity to make anyone angry.
Characterization of sobering timeline and of the time spent in the critical drunk-shit-talk region is subject of future work. More field experiments are required.
It was observed that for both drinking style A and B no more fights erupt during sobering, even though in both cases subject spend roughly the same amount of time in the critical region.
Drinking style A subjects usually are split up after fight.
Drinking style B subjects are sobering while unconscious/sleeping.
An observation could be made that sobering after Drinking style B is dangerous if the “Amnesia, lapses in and out of consciousness” stage is not reached. It is very likely that during sobering they’ll end up in the critical region while awake.
If critical region is reached there are 2 options available: stop drinking and go home/sleep or drink more to reach the next stage. The former is unlikely to happen as reasoning is impaired even before the critical region is reached.
This is satire.
Do not consume alcohol.